Life Lesson - Self must Die

"What if God created Marriage to make us Holy more than to make us happy?"

I've been reading the book "Sacred Marriage", it's a very interesting read, although I don't agree with everything the author has to say the underling premise of the book, what if God created marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy, has caused me to think.

What is it we expect to get out of our early marriage relationship?  Why?  Is my marriage all about "me" what I can get, how Stephen can meet my needs and make ME happy?  

I've really begun to realize that when my focus is on me and my happiness that is when my marriage is (at least in my eyes) at it's worst.  I'm not trying to serve my family, but rather trying to get whatever I can from them.  This selfishness on my part is detrimental to not only my family and my marriage but my spiritual well being.

As I seek to love God more then and only then will I love my husband more.  As I seek to serve God more, then and only then will I be able to serve my family more.  Me is what most often gets in the way of my happiness!  For if I've learned any thing from being married for 2 1/2 years it's that happiness is never found where I think it should be.  I'm never truly happy when I selfishly demand my way, but rather true joy and happiness is found when I selflessly give of myself for God and my family.

I'm still a work in progress.  God has been showing me great pride and selfishness in my life.  And not only is he showing me that they exist but that he HATES them and if i'm going to follow him they must be purged from my life.

This is a painful process.  But one that with much prayer and guidance from the Lord I will be able to accomplish. 

Strawberries and Laundry

      Today i got up early and went strawberry picking with my mother-in-law, it was the most beautiful morning we've had in weeks!  It was almost chilly out.  I took Scott along, but David stayed home with his Uncle Mason.

   Once we got home with the strawberries I made a pie for Stephen and his Bible Study guys and froze several quart bags too!  I didn't pick as many as I wanted, it's been really rainy the last few weeks so alot of the berries where really moldy, icky!!!

  I was able to accomplish all my laundry today! Mom and Dad got me a clothes line for my birthday and it's the most wonderful thing!  I love being able to get all my clothes washed before lunch time :-)

As i was sitting here reading blogs and catching up on friends lives (hey that's what internet is for, right?) Scott fell asleep in my arms.  It was so sweet, so peaceful I was flooded with such love for my babies, such a thankfulness that I have been counted worthy to be blessed with the responsibility of raising children.

And it is a big responsibility! Something that daily i'm reminded I can not do in my own strength.

Just last night David decided to throw a huge tantrum, he's never had a fit quite like this before, he was kicking me, scream and trying to scratch my arms off!  I was kinda in shock!  Such a sweet little baby 2minutes before showing me how he can pray for his dinner and then this!  I was reminded once again that i can not on my own raise these children.  I'm in desperate need of help and guidance from my father above.

And yet as they grow and mature I'm all ways so amazed at the things they pickup on!  We where at Stephen's softball game last night and I brought David along a bat and ball, he thought it was so great to be "playing" ball just like the big guys. David and his uncle Jack (who is 3months older than him) where so cute one with the bat and one with the ball!  David kept trying to show Jack how to "hit" the ball with the bat (he has yet to understand that you don't hit the ball when it's on the ground or when someone else is holding it!)  There was a lady there watching the other team who when she saw Jack and David playing so cute together asked if they where brothers - when told that "no, Jack is actually David's uncle" she, seriously, sat there with her mouth hanging open for like 5minutes!  It was so weird to her that Stephen has a brother so little!

Motherhood!  what a trip!  One minute it's all fun and games (literally) and they next it can feel like your smack dab in the midst of a combat zone!  But it's wonderful!

Here is a picture of Scott's first smile, at least that's been caught on camera!

Today I walked to the park with David and Scott.  It was an adventure :-)  Since I really hate my double stroller I squashed both boys into the other one.  I had Scott laying down buckled in and as far to one side as he would go and then David sitting next to him.  It worked pretty well as long as David didn't lean back or touch Scott :-)  Like I said an adventure!  Both boys really liked the short trek to the park and David thought playing on the swings, slides and bouncy animals was the best, in fact he probably would have been happy to stay there all day if I let him!  But Scott wasn't all that thrilled with sitting alone in a stationary stroller and it was a little windy for him too.  But we had fun, and I think I'll have to try and bring them there more often!  

Stephen was working on the new car tonight (well new as in it's a '96 neon, but it's "new" in that we just bought it)  He figured out why the cigarette lighter wasn't working (not that we'd normally care but he needs it to plug his GPS into for work).  He took the muffler off and is going to the junk yard tomorrow to look for a "new" one.  I think maybe David and I'll have to wash up the neon while he's gone tomorrow so it's bright and shinny when he gets back!

David loves his daddy sooooooo much!  Tonight Stephen was trying to show him how to hit with his baseball bat!  David wasn't catching on real fast but he sure was enjoying the time with his daddy!  I just love watching Stephen with the boys, he's such a good father, so gentle and loving and yet firm.  I couldn't ask for a better man!

Spaghetti is a fine shampoo

My boys today!

Scott Hentry

Scott is growing so fast.  Already he is over 10pounds!  He's a chunk (at least compared to David at this age).  And is growing and maturing splendidly!  Only if you've had a premature baby can you appreciate every little development so often taken for granted!  The first time baby eats a FULL meal on his own!  The first time baby can sleep in an open cradle.  The first time baby can be held without 20 wires and tubes!  I've been challenged and blessed with two early babies.  Scott's NICU stay was a lot harder on me than Davids in a lot of ways.  It was so very hard to see another one of my precious babies hooked up to wires and tubes, to have to leave him every night, to not be able to show him to his big brother until he was almost a month old!  All that was hard.  But the hardest things where never being able to be with both my babies at the same time.  I was so torn for those 24 (seemingly never ending) days.  I felt like I was forever having to choose which one of my children to be with and love on.  To me, even now, the greatest joy I know is to sit next to my husband and hold BOTH my sons on my lap!  It is indeed the simple things in life that make life worth the living!  Thank you LORD!

So Fast

How do they grow up so fast?   It seems every day David is a year older than the day before,  he is picking up words so fast, he just started saying "help".  And copies everything we do.  Today, as I was driving to mom and dad's with dad and a few of my siblings, some swans flew over a field as we where passing and dad pointed them out, even after we where long past the swans David kept pointing out the window and babbling to anyone who would listed!  he's such a dear!  He always goes up to Scott, pats his little head and says, " iss, iss" (nice, nice).  He thinks he's quite the man, always trying to pick up Scott or carry him to momma.  He tries to feed Scott things all the time and HATES it when the baby cries!  He has such a sweet tender heart, he will come and love on me if i'm crying and always wants to cuddle with his mamma when he first gets up in the morning!  Oh' how I love motherhood!  There are days I want to just throw in the towel and quite!  Days I wonder what i've gotten myself into and if i'll survive long enough to find out if i've been successful as a parent.  But by and far every day is filled with wonder, wonder that i've been blessed with such a husband and such children!  Wonder that I CAN survive, and ENJOY it!  Even the tears I would trade for the world!  Motherhood - the ultimate sacrifice, the eternal reward!